by Lou and Peter Berryman

I just needed to pick up some bird food. That’s all I needed. Now it’s not uncommon that I go to the pet shop for one thing and end up picking up a toy for Jack.

In fact, I always pick up a toy for Jack.

But on this day, I ended up in the Reptile Aisle. I don’t know how it happened, I didn’t mean for it to happen, I wasn’t planning on it happening…

It’s right next to the Bird Aisle. wow. I never knew reptiles had such a grand selection in home decor. I found all manner of plastic plants, live mosses, special lighting, caves, huts and more. So so much more.

Given that Pat lived in the kitchen for a couple of months before I started paying attention to him and given that the majority of that attention has been plotting to set him free (a plot he continues to thwart), I decided he didn’t need any Reptile Supplies.

But he probably wanted this:

According to the label it’s

It’s a piece of bamboo. I threw it in the shopping cart.

This rock features Jack. And Jack. And Jack. And… well, you get it.

I was reading email in my home office when I heard the tinny rendition of Beethoven’s 9th that lets me know my husband is calling. How odd. Not odd that my husband would call me, but odd that he would call me from the living room where he was watching a movie. I picked up the phone.

Me: … yes?
Him: um um, is the Lizard Rescue Squad?

Here’s where I pause to reflect on the fact that I knew he was a smartass before I married him.

Me: Why, yes, this is the “Lizard Rescue Squad”. (rolling eyes) Do you have a lizard in need of rescue?
Him: Yes ma’am, if you could get here as soon as possible, we need your help!!!
Me: Riiiiiiight. *click*

My normal “Trap and Release” of house lizards involves a clear drinking glass (when cornered, it’s pretty easy to trick a lizard to scramble into a clear glass), so I grabbed one from the kitchen. While there, I double-checked to make sure Pat hasn’t wandered into the living room (he hadn’t).

I entered the living room to see my husband pointing up at the big bay window. Or rather the bay window’s mini-blinds. Wayyyy up the mini-blinds.

Unless I intended to throw the drinking glass at the lizard, I needed a new strategy.


I slowly opened the blinds.

Well, obviously this is not Pat. George 2 (following the theory that all lizards that are not Pat are named “George” and this is the second lizard that is not Pat, ergo the “2″) is a Green Anole (aka, the “Carolina Anole”).

Very pretty. But how the fircky-frick am I going to get him out of the house? Remember — “Trap and Release” is not just about Saving A Life. It’s not even mostly about Saving A Life.

It’s about me getting the lizard out of the house before Jack finds it, traps it, eats it, and I end up cleaning the floors.

I stood and pondered the situation and then, in a brilliant flash of common sense, I had an idea. I pulled the blinds away from the window — which caused George 2 to jump onto the window glass and then I –

wait for it…. waiiiiitttt for it.

I opened the window. George 2 leapt to freedom (“freedom” taking the form of a large butterfly bush just outside the window) and I closed the window.

Overall, it was a good day for the Lizard Rescue Squad.

But I admit that I was a little saddened that Pat hadn’t been there to witness what a normal lizard does when presented with an open window.

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