Making No Attempt to be Relevant

Naturally Appealing Bamboo

Posted by: sophie

Is that not the cutest picture of a brown anole that you’ve ever seen? Whadda ya mean, “What brown anole?” Look *pointing*, he’s just to the right of the Four Monks Cooking Sherry. See? Adorable.

Yes, today was a pretty exciting day. Pat found his bamboo tube.

Beyond the photo showing that I rarely use Red Wine Vinegar, it shows Pat’s approval of his Enriched Environment.

Granted, he’s sleeping behind/under it (not in it) and I still don’t buy into the “decorative” labeling, but it has proved itself “functional”.

There’s nothing like success to make me wonder what other things I should buy for him.

It’s a sickness.

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Anole Accoutrement

Posted by: sophie

I just needed to pick up some bird food. That’s all I needed. Now it’s not uncommon that I go to the pet shop for one thing and end up picking up a toy for Jack.

In fact, I always pick up a toy for Jack.

But on this day, I ended up in the Reptile Aisle. I don’t know how it happened, I didn’t mean for it to happen, I wasn’t planning on it happening…

It’s right next to the Bird Aisle. wow. I never knew reptiles had such a grand selection in home decor. I found all manner of plastic plants, live mosses, special lighting, caves, huts and more. So so much more.

Given that Pat lived in the kitchen for a couple of months before I started paying attention to him and given that the majority of that attention has been plotting to set him free (a plot he continues to thwart), I decided he didn’t need any Reptile Supplies.

But he probably wanted this:

According to the label it’s

Perfect for Climbing & Hiding
Naturally Appealing
Decorative & Functional
Environmentally Enriching
and Natural, Renewable, Sustainable

It’s a piece of bamboo. I threw it in the shopping cart.

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Lizard Rescue Squad

Posted by: sophie

I was reading email in my home office when I heard the tinny rendition of Beethoven’s 9th that lets me know my husband is calling. How odd. Not odd that my husband would call me, but odd that he would call me from the living room where he was watching a movie. I picked up the phone.

Me: … yes?
Him: um um, is the Lizard Rescue Squad?

Here’s where I pause to reflect on the fact that I knew he was a smartass before I married him.

Me: Why, yes, this is the “Lizard Rescue Squad”. (rolling eyes) Do you have a lizard in need of rescue?
Him: Yes ma’am, if you could get here as soon as possible, we need your help!!!
Me: Riiiiiiight. *click*

My normal “Trap and Release” of house lizards involves a clear drinking glass (when cornered, it’s pretty easy to trick a lizard to scramble into a clear glass), so I grabbed one from the kitchen. While there, I double-checked to make sure Pat hasn’t wandered into the living room (he hadn’t).

I entered the living room to see my husband pointing up at the big bay window. Or rather the bay window’s mini-blinds. Wayyyy up the mini-blinds.

Unless I intended to throw the drinking glass at the lizard, I needed a new strategy.

I slowly opened the blinds.

Well, obviously this is not Pat. George 2 (following the theory that all lizards that are not Pat are named “George” and this is the second lizard that is not Pat, ergo the “2″) is a Green Anole (aka, the “Carolina Anole”).

Very pretty. But how the fircky-frick am I going to get him out of the house? Remember — “Trap and Release” is not just about Saving A Life. It’s not even mostly about Saving A Life.

It’s about me getting the lizard out of the house before Jack finds it, traps it, eats it, and I end up cleaning the floors.

I stood and pondered the situation and then, in a brilliant flash of common sense, I had an idea. I pulled the blinds away from the window — which caused George 2 to jump onto the window glass and then I –

wait for it…. waiiiiitttt for it.

I opened the window. George 2 leapt to freedom (“freedom” taking the form of a large butterfly bush just outside the window) and I closed the window.

Overall, it was a good day for the Lizard Rescue Squad.

But I admit that I was a little saddened that Pat hadn’t been there to witness what a normal lizard does when presented with an open window.

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Anole Inn

Posted by: sophie

Operation “Get Out of the Kitchen” had another setback today.

It’s a warm sunny day in Florida. The perfect day for brown anoles to be frolicking outside.

The perfect day for Pat to leave.

I unlocked the window and pulled out the Anti-Burglar Dowel. I was just starting to slide the window up when a small flickering movement caught my eye. What the hell? I slammed the window shut.

I stared disbelieving. There he was. Lounging between the screen and the window… another brown anole.

I am not running a Brown Anole Boarding House on my kitchen window sill. Okay, technically I am, but that’s not my point. There’s no more room at this inn.

I slid the window back up a notch and stared at him. He stared back. Unmoving. This was a tricky moment.

How to get him out of the window and not into the kitchen.

My experience with Pat has taught me one thing — at least one anole doesn’t like the flash on my camera. And because of said photo sessions with Pat, the camera is sitting right there on the kitchen counter. Keeping one eye on George (I’ve decided that all lizards that are not Pat, are called George), I reached for the camera.

I snapped one picture (shown below) and George didn’t move — no flash. Blast it to firckity frickin firk! I started to push buttons on the camera and George started to make his move. Into the kitchen. I dropped the camera and reached to block George’s path.

George did not like that at all and (thankfully) skittered off via the gap where the screen is popped out.

George was gone — and gone via the exact escape route I want Pat to take. But Pat, who had been calmly lounging on the window frame appears to have been upset by all the commotion. He moved from lounging to perching precariously on the very tip top of the aloe plant. No way he was going to choose to leave today.

I sighed and slid the window shut.

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The Anole vs. Plant

Posted by: sophie

I have just the one house plant. Oh, I used to have more. Numerous plants of numerous varieties.

Then I got Jack.

And Jack loved the house plants. I moved all of the house plants to places I deemed out of a tiny kitten’s reach.

I deemed wrong. So, after Jack chewed the dieffenbachia and after we went to the vet’s for rehydration and the general treatment for ingesting toxins, I put the house plants outside.

And then they died.

So I have just the one house plant. And if you’re wondering how I still have the aloe plant, well, it’s not poisonous, ergo Jack has no interest in it.

Which is great as I regularly remove leaves from the aloe plant and use their “sap” as a treatment for dry skin.

But now the Kitchen Lizard has claimed the aloe plant as his home.

And more than just hanging out there (when he’s not hiding in the window frame), it’s where he goes to bed each night.

So now, I’m thinking if I take a leaf off MY aloe plant, it will disrupt the delicate window sill eco-system of the uninvited Kitchen Lizard.

Well, that’s just silly. I should ignore the stupid lizard and use my aloe plant as I always have. It’s ridiculous to be paying so much attention to a stupid lizard who refuses to go outside where he’s supposed to be.

I’m gonna need a second plant.

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